My Life's Soundtrack

Slipknot, "Wait and Bleed": The music video makes use of the little clay models of the Slipknot band members running around and killing a man. They seem animated but an evil source and remind me of my nightmares and hellish creations of my imagination. They resemble the dolls from a movie called Tales from the Hood that has scared me ever since I saw it as a child. The dolls also came to life and killed a Senator. So from that day when I was four years old, I hated walking around in the dark or seeing dolls on the shelves because I thought they would come to get me. When I would see a doll on the ground or in a toy bin, I would got out of my way to stay far away from it so it wouldn’t get up and bite me.

I know I may still be a pansy, but I hate being around dolls just for the fact that I think they will move of their own accord and come to eat me. I still don’t like being in the dark either because of my imagination. I’m just better at dealing with my fear now. All these stupid, irrational fears because of stupid horror movies. Then Slipknot brings back the fears through their crazy little dolls swinging from the chandeliers or pouring gasoline everywhere. I honestly hate little dolls because of that movie.



Three Days Grace, "Pain": The movie starts out with a bunch of kids being alone and listening to the song. They end up singing along because the words ring true to them. I feel like I could be in this video. I can really relate to the lyrics of this song. I suffer from depression. I have been this way for most of life, and have even had to seen a psychiatrist because I wanted to commit suicide. It isn’t a fun way to live when you can go from being perfectly normal to slipping down the downward spiral to depression. So the words “PAIN! Without love. PAIN! I can’t get enough” ring true for me because I usually do not feel anything. I became apathetic and stoic towards everything to hide my depression from myself, but no feeling anything is not really being alive. Therefore, I would rather feel something, even if it is the pain of depression that is sometimes so strong that it physically hurts in my chest. I usually do not feel any love when I go into a depression and I convince myself that no one really cares about me, which makes it worse, but at least I am feeling something.

Also, I have grown to enjoy the feeling that I get from being depressed because it shows me I am still alive. The words “I’d rather feel pain, than nothing at all” is exactly how I feel. I think that I can explain how I feel sometimes through the words of this song.




Disturbed, "Land Of Confusion": In the video, Disturbed uses cartoons to fit the lyrics of politics. There are great explosions and exaggerated characters, such as the giant blob man who represents money and capitalism or the demon figured who is ripped beyond normal people and is seen as a hero fighting for the common people against the almost Nazi invasion. The classic anime characteristics are evident all throughout the video and bring me back to my childhood and even sometime in the present when I had time to sit and watch anime after anime show. My favorite has always been Gundam Wing, but other notables were Dragon Ball Z, Neon Genesis Evangelion, Gunslinger Girl, and Hellsing. Gundam Wing has the same idea of sticking it to the man and gives power to the people through warriors with giant robots, but I loved it because of Heero. He showed no emotion and was the classic stoic anime hero. I would watch it afterschool and then wake up at midnight to watch it again as Cartoon Network showed the unedited version. I would always imagine that I had my own giant robot that I could fly to in school or fight other giant robots with. I imagined my robot with giant booster rockets and a cool laser sword. Then it would have shoulder mounted canons and a Gatling gun. Just like all the other Gundams, it would be badass. I got to live my imagination through all the animes.



Muse, "Knights of Cydonia": In the video, some galactic fighters are having an old western show down. At one point, a woman dressed in silver bikini armor comes to save the hero. The video ends with a beat down of evil in an old town. Muse creates a video that parallels a lot of the fantasy movies of the early nineties. Movies, such as Kull the Conqueror and Dune, that have epic adventures of a single band of heroes against the seemly omnipotent evil lords. The bands always end up winning but must first find some artifact to help their cause and this leads them through many trials with magical creatures or trapped caves. I have always enjoyed these types of film that play on a person’s imagination to create a fantasy world out of nothing but a simple story. The best fantasy film of course being Conan the Barbarian with Arnold as a huge barbarian thief and taking on the forces of a wizard and a insane queen. I always enjoyed the imaginative and creative ways of any fantasy films because it led me to create my own worlds through things from the movies or books that I read. Plus my favorite quote of all time comes from Conan when he says,” Destroy your enemies. Watch them flee before you. Hear the lamentation of the Women.” Then Conan just beats down Wilt “The Stilt” Chamberlain with a morning star and kills a heathen monster god, so what’s not to like about this awesome movie?



Mudvayne, "Dig": Mudvayne goes into a craze and has some awesome costumes. The bassist with his sweet devil horns and crazy red face paint, the guitarist with his all red jumpsuit and the liberty spikes, the drummer with the sweet black and white swirls, a mean green goatee, and a braided top knot, and finally the vocalist with the sweetest shin length dredded goatee of all time and the white face paint with black tribal designs. The crazy costumes and extreme pace of the music make it perfect heavy metal. The point in the video where all band members are covered in sludge and going crazy in the wires reminds me of the Sounds of the Underground concert I went to this year. The headlining band was Gwar who are well-known across the metal community for their theatrical shows. As wells as being a great mosh concert, Gwar sprays fake blood into the crowd and semen from the vocalist’s giant penis at one point. The effect was much the same that Mudvayne shows their members being covered in as a dark combined substance of unknown origins. Then, so many people fought to get to the front of the crowd and get sprayed by the band. It is a wonder how people became so crazy to get covered in a disgusting liquid that dyes your skin blue and turns your once white shirt into something created during the sixties. But I will always proudly keep my tie dye shirt from the front row that night.



Linkin Park, "No More Sorrow": “No, no more sorrow. I've paid for your mistakes. Your time is borrowed. Your time has come to be replaced.” Linkin Park just hits home with the lyrics to this song and the Naruto background only emphasizes the words more. I once had a relationship that was as perfect as I had ever imagined. She was the first girl that I ever truly fell in love with. We spent a lot of time together and would always stay up late on the phone talking to all hours of the night. One time I think it was eight hours that we were on the phone together, which is kinda pathetic but I really enjoyed it. She made me feel good about myself and helped me realize the potential that I so obviously had, but wouldn’t admit. Everything was going good for us and we had a lot of fun together. Then our relationship became complicated because she thought I cheated on her, which never happened.

At this point in our relationship is where the song holds the truest. She never trusted me again after that whole ordeal and wanted to get back at me. So she decided to hide dead fish in my car and then lie about not knowing anything about it. So I learned that she deceived me and I was really pissed about her lying about it because I thought I could trust her. Also, after that my car smelt like fish for a full month and I hate fish. Then I was a little vindictive in our break up and made her cry, but oh well at least there’s no more sorrow for me.




Three Days Grace, "Animal I have Become": One scene in the Three Days Grace video, Adam looks at himself in the mirror and sees an evil side reflected. The person reflected is scary with devil eyes and an evil grin like something that knows it now has full control and there is nothing Adam can do to change that fact. This side is everything that he didn’t want to become, but it is who he is now. I feel that way because I used to be an innocent young kid that never did anything wrong. But ever since I got self-esteem through my athletic ability, I realize I have become an ass from my former self. I used to be a good kid and always respectful. Then I realized that I am very good at sports and am looked up to for it. I then became someone else. I enjoyed the attention and popularity, but was a smartass and very flirtatious with girls. I had never really been this way before my junior year in high school, but all of a sudden I had become this jerk overnight. So in that sense I can relate to being stuck in a hell where I know I should be a better person, but I enjoy it so much that I cannot escape. I don’t think that I will ever change back. Although change is the only constant in life, some changes are not always the best and that’s why I think I’ve digressed from being a man to an animal with only instinctual urges.



The Turtles, "Happy Together": The words “I think about you day and night, its only right to think about the girl you love, and hold her tight” is exactly how I feel about Anna. “No matter how they toss the dice, it had to be the only one for me is you” and I couldn’t believe that statement anymore because I don’t think that I was meant to be with anyone else at this time. Although our relationship got off to a rocky start, we were able to overcome that incident and make things work. The first night we hung out was with my friend Nico and we were walking through the local Blockbuster for a movie to relax and watch when she suddenly hits me right square in the balls out of nowhere! I was like shocked and in pain, dazed and confused as to why she hated me so much. She still to this day says it was an accident as her hand just swung backward at the perfect time while I was right behind her, but I know the truth because the abuse still continues. She has hit my broken wrist in a cast and caused me more pain through “accidents”. But I love her more than life itself and I would never give her up and like they say “Take the bad along with the good.” It seems that I am only happy with her and get really sad when she is not around, which is more often because she goes to Colorado State University. My world is very fine whenever I’m with her because I seem to forget all my worries. So the title happy together fits my relationship with Anna perfectly.